Hair Triggers

We’re all truly blessed to be living in an age when “trigger warnings” and “microaggressions” are taken seriously, and used to suppress the free exchange of ideas. Of course, for progressives, the exchange of ideas is never free. They’ll ensure you pay a hefty price if you dare challenge their rigid orthodoxy.

While college campuses have always been a refuge for progressive sycophants, recent years have seen the crazy cranked up several notches, with the kind of absurdity that was once relegated to the Berkeley’s and Ivy’s now permeating run of the mill state schools. Now, the “infected” are beginning to stumble out into the wild, carrying with them useless degrees, a knack for getting offended by everything around them, and an uncanny ability to make life miserable for everyone they come in contact with. Making matters worse, once off the college reservation, those privy to this kind of psychosis are often insulated from their supposed “triggers,” treated with kid-gloves by those who should be chucking the rocks that shatter these delusions. Instead, these oppression enthusiasts are proscribed the “baby steps” treatment.

In this brave new world, those who encumber themselves by owning up to and controlling their emotions are tantamount to slaves. Real freedom lies in tossing aside the yoke of responsibility and demanding those around you answer for how they make you feel. It’s no surprise this victimhood movement is promulgated by the Left. Always keen to Balkanize the masses, the more groups humans can be broken into, the more victims that can be created, the easier the mob is to distract and control. As the vanguard of the downtrodden, oppressed, and marginalized, i.e. anything not white and male (cisgender!), the Left has made a killing pandering to these folks, promising salvation like a big tent, revival preacher. And we all need to buckle up, because it’s only going to get worse.

The tantrums triggered-folk throw can provide some good laughs, but now, even clapping and the Classics are in trouble. Columbia, supposedly a prestigious American educational institution, is one of many places harboring and abetting this behavior. Ovid’s poetry, nearly two millennia after his death, is sending America’s “best and brightest” into uncontrollable paroxysms, making them feel “unsafe.” This is the same university that opened its doors to former Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, whose homeland executes homosexuals, a reality one would think would trigger quite a few of these students.

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If it’s not ancient texts doing the oppressing it’s rooms where too many white people are present. Where Ovid might fail, there’s always the petrifying prospect of finding yourself in a room filled with people whose skin tone doesn’t match your own. The horror! Imagine how much more frightening Poe’s works could have been if he had only thought of such a scenario. I’m sure it won’t be long before he too is jettisoned from curriculums across the nation.

Arguing with this kind of ideology is fruitless, as they, and the Left in general, don’t play by the rules, these issues are not up for debate. This is the kind of thinking that can only be undone by the thinker themselves (a Paul on the road to Damascus kind of revelation). It’s not rational, it’s possibly a legitimate psychological disorder, and articulate arguments probably aren’t going to induce any soul-searching or mind-changing in these people. It’s like Egypt, pre-Exodus. And while we’ve weathered a few plagues already, there’s likely many more to come. The triggered-folk may yet be driven back into the abyss, but I’m not going to hold my breath.